How to feel more confident when you’re quaking inside

I learnt something interesting about confidence from Kirsty Hulse: it’s not something you either have or you don’t. And it isn’t a destination. You don’t arrive there, buy a beach hut and retire for the rest of your life. You’ll come and go.

But how do we spend more time there? I took to social media to find out.

Revisit old praise

If you’re feeling edgy at the start of a new project or before a big event, revisit the times you’ve done it and nailed it. Ece Kurtaraner says: “I try to remind myself of my wins and achievements”.

To prepare for this, set up a smile file where you can store screenshots of all the lovely things people say about you. Then, when the time comes, make like Matthew Crowhurst: “I read my secret stash of positive feedback emails I’ve received over the years”.

Talk yourself up

Similarly, being your own cheerleader is a great way to build your confidence. André Spiteri says: “I remember a difficult brief I nailed and tell myself, ‘If I could do that, I can definitely do this’”. Chelsea Groome says: “I remind myself that they could’ve asked anyone, but they chose me”. If you find this difficult, imagine what you’d say to your best friend to build their confidence. Start there.

Breathe

By lengthening our exhalations, we calm the nervous system and restore a sense of calm to a tense or excited body. Try breathing in for a count of four, out for a count of six and repeat four or five times.

Move your body

Tess Agnew has a simple fix for a crisis of confidence: “Exercise. Usually {I} get out on my bike into the hills for a bit of perspective and headspace. Everything feels better after some fresh air and mindful movement”. Gareth at That Content Shed agrees: “Getting out for a run, walk or game of footy puts me in a good frame of mind”.

As Camille explains: “If I can pick up 100kg and put it down again, I can pretty much do anything”. Well said.

Find your groove

Catherine Jones finds her confidence by: “Talking to someone about something I know a lot about. The enthusiasm and expertise take over and imposter syndrome is banished!” If you’re giving a keynote, can you open with a topic that really fires you up while you find your flow?

Power pose

It might seem like a bit of a cliché, but adopting a powerful pose – straight back, widened stance, hands on hips, whatever it means for you – helps you feel more confident and take up space in the room. It’s a bit of a fake it til you make it move, but it has the effect of regulating your nervous system. As Penny Brazier says: “Sounds bullshit, you feel like a knob, but it never fails. The body is an amazing thing, but we often neglect or overlook its impact on our emotional state”.

Turn it up

Another fan of the power pose, Felicity Wild, takes it one step further: “I like to add in some music to get me pumped up”. Mel Barfield agrees: “My go-to confidence builder is belting the absolute granny out of a song. Almost exclusively songs from musicals”.

Call in support

If in doubt, lots of us look to those around us to build us up when we need a boost. “Talk to a friend,” says Angela Lyons. While Dee Primett says: “I ask the gang for some positive vibes and good words!” Berenice Howard-Smith turns to her furry friend for a blast of confidence: “{I} stare at Molly {the dog} who seems to believe in me”.

Prepare

As an introvert, unexpected questions, situations or information can really floor me in the moment. I’m someone who needs to go away, process and think things through. For me, building confidence is about being as prepared as I can be.

The key here is not to catastrophise. Picture possible outcomes, come up with practical solutions, but don’t dwell on the worst-case scenario.

Suit up

Dressing the part is a quick way to get into a more confident mindset. “Sounds weird, but wearing glasses helps me feel more confident,” says Stephen Hinde. Ilaria Mangiardi follows a preparation ritual involving a holy trinity: “Freewriting. Affirmations. Make-up”.

Whether I’m jumping on a Zoom with an exciting new client or getting ready to present some copy, I’m a big fan of a power earring and a bold lip.

Fake it

And if you’re still feeling the belly quivers, make like a RWM: “{I} channel the confidence of a rich white man and fake it until I don’t have to,” says Cass Hebron. Chelsea Groome agrees: “{I} ask myself how a man would feel. I see so many half-arsed men thrive purely on self-confidence and so many brilliant women crippled by self-doubt”.

Any confidence tips we’ve missed? Hit me up on LinkedIn.