How to write an iconic opening line to your email, blog or social post
I couldn’t run this blog without the help of my friends and family, who regularly send me copy they love or loathe. It all goes in my swipe file and often ends up as inspiration or examples for me to share with you here.
I got this one a few months ago from my brother-in-law. It’s the opening line of a marketing email. And it didn’t quite hit the mark for us.
Side note: I mostly want to big up and learn from brilliant copy. This is one of those rare occasions where it’s not the best but I think there’s loads we can learn. I’ve changed identifying details to avoid naming and shaming.
Have a read and see what you think:
“I am John, CEO and Co-Founder at A Clothing Brand. Thought I’d drop by and do what all the cool CEOs are doing: tell you a story.”
Why doesn’t it work?
So, for me, this isn’t a win because it doesn’t grab me as the opening line to a marketing email should. It doesn’t make me want to keep reading. The motivation for writing the email (‘doing what all the cool CEOs are doing’) has nothing to do with me, so why should I care?
Make it work for you
The writer isn’t wrong. Lots of cool marketers are telling stories. ‘Storytelling’ has become one of those annoying marketing buzzwords that few of us actually know how to put into action. But I think the writer’s first mistake is coming at it with no consideration for his reader.
And heck, if storytelling is his aim, job one of telling a good story is hooking us with a gripping opening line. Which, for me, this isn’t.
You see, opening lines (or hooks) are bloody essential to getting your readers to read your stuff. Want folks to finish your email? Write a great subject line. Keen to get your message across in a LinkedIn post? Deliver a stonkingly good opener.
So, where better to pick up ideas for brilliant hooks than some of our favourite novels? Let’s steal their tricks to make our hooks irresistible.
Compelling
“Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.” (Rebecca - Daphne du Maurier)
This one drops you right into the action. The character presumes you know that they dreamt about Manderley before. And you’re left wondering what is Manderley and why is it haunting this person’s dreams so persistently? Talk about gripping.
You might make your storytelling more compelling by starting halfway through. Draw your reader in by only giving them a shred of the story in your opener.
Confusing
“It was a bright, cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen.” (1984 – George Orwell)
Wait, what? Thirteen? George Orwell uses confusion to intrigue us in this iconic opener. The line lets us know that something out of the ordinary is going on, and we want to find out more.
Try delivering something unexpected or a bit baffling with your next subject line or headline. It might be a statistic or a statement, or something wild that happened to you.
Surprising
“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a gigantic insect.” (The Metamorphosis – Franz Kafka)
One step on from confusion is all-out shock. This line reels you in because you can’t quite believe what you’re reading. It’s particularly effective because we get a real visual sense of this scene thanks to the details like “uneasy” and “gigantic”.
Stop the scroll by saying something they’ll never expect. A quirky idiom or metaphor, a new way of describing your product or service, or a visual description. Remember, the detail will make all the difference.
Frank
“Here is a small fact: you are going to die.” (Okay not quite the first line but in the first five or so: The Book Thief – Markus Zusak)
Markus Zusak hits us between the eyes with something we all know to be true but rarely want to admit. It’s extra interesting because he offsets this big statement by describing it as a ‘small fact’ provoking a bit of outrage.
What’s a truth that nobody in your industry cares to admit? Stand out from the crowd by being the one brave enough to tell it like it is.
Funny
“For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple – I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.” (Seven Up – Janet Evanovich)
The line works because it starts off very serious and then the twist comes at the end with something utterly ridiculous.
If you’re playing for laughs, write your opening line with a very straight front and an unexpected twist at the end. Remember, the more contrast you can create, the better your twist will land.
A question
“Where’s Papa going with that axe?” (Charlotte’s Web – E.B. White)
As soon as the question’s asked we want to know the answer. It’s got a slightly sinister feel that sends a shiver down my spine.
Use questions in your openers to draw your readers in. Just make sure your question is worthwhile enough to keep them interested. Sometimes fewer details work better here.
If you’d like to chat more about writing for your business, I’d love to hear from you.